Monday, March 23, 2009

I'm struggling today...

I had decided not to write this post after all, but then I read this and decided that it was God's nudging me to write it. I'm sure it is more for me than for you, but I hope you will be blessed by it, too. I am just keeping it real today.

I am struggling today ...

- I have still not fully recovered from being sick on Thursday night. At this point, it may be my allergies kicking in that have me feeling miserable, but I'm not sure.

- I am tired. Beat, worn out, tired.

- Feeling like a failure with my kids, as their Mom AND teacher. Feels like forever since we have sat and done home schooling. Savannah is extremely disagreeable with me these days - I get the brunt of her frustrations. I had a facebook status ready ... something like "if this is what 8 is like, we are in big trouble for the teen years". Although I can understand her frustrations, I am tired of being on the receiving end of it all.

- Overwhelmed at even just the "essentials" list for the day. (I have since recovered from that and am just tackling them one step at a time.)

- Sick and tired of base/softball even before the season has officially started!

- Mad at myself for even having a pity party, when I have SO MANY reasons to be thankful (and I am thankful ... just keeping it real that I am struggling today).

- Feeling very undeserving of so many blessings, especially in light of so many others' needs.

- In tears over our Compassion children and for many other children who don't even have sponsors. In tears over the blog that has an infant who had heart problems in utero and is now in the hospital with SVT.

- Saddened by my quick temper and being easily ruffled.

- Worried about others' opinions regarding our house, in light of being in prison ministry. Feeling the need to make it known that the support we receive has not gone into building our house - everything so far has come from the sale of our home in PA.

- Having that weight of "debt that we cannot repay" feeling. I know those men freely gave, but there is still that desire to give back.

- Wanting to know God's will in passing on the kindness. Does that mean hiring the local guy who hasn't had a job for a while instead of doing it ourselves?

- Feeling so far behind in getting connected with all of the wonderful people that called/emailed/etc. during this past week. Hoping they don't think that I don't care.

- Trying to find the words to express our thanks and gratitude properly.

- Just overwhelmed at being on the receiving end so much lately. It is humbling and difficult all at the same time.

- Exasperated that my hair needs attention again and I don't see the time to do it just yet.

Thanks for listening - tomorrow is a new day :)

Psalm 136 1-9

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.

2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.

3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

4 to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.

5 who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.

6 who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.

7 who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.

8 the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.

9 the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.


  1. Thanks for being real with us. I think we've all had those days when we feel very inadequate.

    Not feeling well doesn't help. Having irritable children doesn't help! I know both of those things!

    I had a friend from PA visit us in GA and they commented on how expensive our house was. They were kind of questioning our priorities in light of our mounting medical costs. In actuality, it wasn't near as expensive as she thought since house costs are so much less down south than in PA! She was seeing houses as she did in Lancaster Co. and you just can't do that. God knows our hearts and we can't worry so much about what others are thinking.

    I hope tomorrow brings a day where you can at least partially resume schooling and you feel better as a whole.

  2. We all have times of feeling so inadequate and truly, as much as we hate it because we don't want to face how truly dependent we are on HIM!! God holds our very next breath and the very next beat of our heart in His hands. We are totally inadequate of that.

  3. His mercies are new every morning...yes, tomorrow is a new day! :-) Thanks for being honest!

    Sending you a hug,

  4. Oh, Shirley. Thank you for being REAL. There are so many out there, I think especially Christians, that are trying to hide behind this facade. A lot of them do it because of the fear of rejection; they don't want others to see that they have struggles or weaknesses, because we're supposed to "rely on God." Then feelings of inadequacy and doubt come into play and the enemy comes swooping in and we start believing the lies that we think or the negative words that come out of other people. Oh, he has a heyday with this. He's the ultimate Accuser.

    You are going through a tough season, Shirley, but I know that you're going to come out on the other side. You are in my prayers.

    This is a scripture that Rob holds onto dearly: "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

    We love you!

  5. Shirley, I appreciate your being real, because like the others have said, so many of us have felt exactly like you do! But so few of us let our facade down...
    I have dealing with some emotional and spiritual struggles lately...and have had my own issues with my nine yr old that are trying. So you are not alone....
    But even more important, we are not ever alone because Jesus is with us in each of these daily battles and loves us.

  6. What a powerful post at LPM - I love that last paragraph that He can take our struggles and turn them into strengths.

    I, too, am struggling right now and I posted some about it yesterday and last Monday. You are not alone Shirley, and if I was there right now, I'd give you a big old hug!!

    It's so true though, if we can't share our struggles with one another, we get tricked into believing that we are the only ones awful to struggle alone! But we don't.

    I think sometimes, when you have a few "highs" it really throws you down into the "lows" - does that make sense? It did in my mind anyway, LOL!!!

    This is what I like about blogging the best - that we can share not only our hopes and great moments, but that we can be real with one another and give encouragament within the body of that all we do is for His glory!

  7. PS - the flu did not travel home with T

    I hope you are feeling better soon. After hearing how hard you were working last week, I'm not surprised you don't have your energy back yet.

    PPS (lol) - when I taught in the city schools, this was always, always, always the marking period I struggled the most with feeling adequate in my ability to do my job. As frustrating as it is, those same feelings followed me home when I became a parent and now they've joined me as I homeschool. And sadly, my kids have picked up on it too.

    Be encouraged Shirley!!

  8. Oh, Shirley, I hope you are feeling better today! Sometimes you just have to give it up to the Lord and try not to figure it ALL out! Sometimes you just have to remember that you will NEVER please everyone! And sometimes you just NEED to allow some time just for you to recoup (even if that means you have a day now and then when you're just not nice!!) Your kids will survive! (and probably be better off - seeing "realness".
    Praying God holds you especially close right now!

  9. Shirley, Thank you SO much for being real. I can sympathize with you on all the points. I'm praying for you. Everyone who reads your blog and sees the progress on your house should just be thrilled for ya'll, especially with all the hard work and time that you've put into it.

    I know you're tired. I would have been completely give out WAY before now! I understand how being sick just makes everything feel like it's piling up. Try to think about when it's all finished and you can RELAX! Things will all fall back into place. God is holding you safe in His arms!

    Remember, I am praying for you and so are many people from hfc! We love you and are here for you for anything you need!

  10. Hi Shirley,
    I have been in this place with our own home building. You'll be ok. Just remember that satan likes to get you in a moment like this. He loves to swirl doubt around so that you get shaken. Of course he hopes that others will not benefit by your thankfulness or being able to see God's blessings so he swirls in these doubtful moments so that we will take our eyes off of God for a moment. All he wants is a moment, hoping that within that moment someone else will see you and then not look to God themselves. Your tired, you've worked hard, "normal" life has been on hold for a while now and you still have more work to do. But none of it is bigger then the Lord...keep laying it at his feet. He is so much bigger then how a day like this feels. I have found the time put into building a home is a real faith tuning experience. My emotions have ran the whole gammet over the years. Excitment, exhaustion, times of working hard, times of waiting, guilt over wanting it all over and done with ....yet knowing so many in the world have so little. Just many emotions.
    I will be pray for you and wish you a new day today.
    And thank you for being honest nothing worse then a Christian who does not keep it real.

  11. Thanks so much for being real!! I haven't been on here for awhile and you have touched my heart today as I struggle with similar issues!! Sending you a hug!!

  12. I think you are a 10 :o)

    Hang in there!


  13. What a wonderful post-- even thought you're struggling - thanks for being the 'real' person you are. Blessing to you for a new day and to trust in God to pull you thru.

    And I thought it was Austin being 3-- with his irritableness, easily frustrated little boy behaviors, good to know I'm not the only one that struggles with my KIDS!! Love them dearly but they can put you on edge to loose your temper.
    Take Care Dear Friend.

    Don't think about what everyone else is thinking... it is none of their business.... I know, I know -- easier said than done... I do the same thing as well. Just keep praying about it.. God is the only one that knows the Truth... and he is the only one that matters.


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